Are you struggling to connect with other people? Maybe you’re posting on LinkedIn or social media or just trying to have a conversation in person over coffee. You’re doing your best, but something just isn’t clicking. The other person just doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you, they feel distant or unengaged. There is a simple fix for this!
Often, when we try and connect with someone new, online or in person, we try and put our best foot forward. This means we focus on the things we’re best at, our wins and accomplishments. This is great, but if we focus solely on our victories without even acknowledging our struggles and challenges, it can also be alienating.
We feel the most connected with people we share something with. This can be an experience, an emotion, even a hobby. While it’s possible for us to have common accomplishments/wins as the person we’re talking to, it’s much more likely that our shared experiences will come from our struggles and our frustrations than our victories.
Embrace your flaws, your struggles, and your frustrations. Share them openly instead of glossing over them in favor of your accomplishments. Our flaws and frustrations are our key to connecting with other people.
If one of my accomplishments is coding a recipe app, the probability of another person who has accomplished the same thing being in the same room as me on a random day at the coffee shop is very small. However, one of my struggles I face regularly is shiny object syndrome. (I tend to start things, then get distracted by something else and switch focus to that. I’m working on getting better at this but it’s something I know to watch for.) It’s far more likely that the person I’m talking with at any given time has experienced something similar. The challenge of wanting to do one thing but getting distracted by something else that seems interesting or like a great opportunity and not focusing on one thing at a time. The other person doesn’t even have to be a programmer to share this struggle.
For each person who shares a win or accomplishment with us, there is likely to be at least twice as many who share one of our struggles or frustrations. Include your struggles and frustrations when you talk about your wins and people will have a much easier time connecting with you. The more we have in common, the closer we feel to someone and the easier it is for us to connect and build that connection.
Next time you’re worried about looking silly for sharing one of your struggles, remember, our struggles help us connect.
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